I wrote this poem just after my reunion.
The Struggle
She tells you that you’re special
She tells you you were chosen
But something doesn’t feel quite right
Your heart is almost frozen
You try to tell her that you’re sad
But you can’t quite tell her why
She tells you that upsets her
She says you’ve made her cry
You feel so bad about it
You stop saying you feel sad
You put on the happy face she wants
She says that makes her glad
You try so hard and do your best
And yet she still forgets you
She starts to think about herself
What does she expect of you?
You start to do things for yourself
So as not to be a bother
Then she acts all hurt and asks
“Don’t you love your mother?”
You think to yourself “Yes I do,
I really do love my Mother,
but you’re not her, I was taken from her,
And given to you, you impostor!”
Of course you cannot say that
The tears would flow no end
So you swallow all your feelings
And continue to pretend
As you grow you do your best
You try to tell the truth
But she still wants you to repress
And help her keep her youth
She only sees it her way
She thinks you’re making a fuss
She tells you nurture is all that matters
You think she doth protest too much
You have to do it your way
Her feelings will not alter
Remember she has no regard for yours
And don’t let your path falter
You finally meet your mother
Everything feels so right
You find you have a sister and brother
You talk into the night
Your life has changed forever
You know now who you are
You realise you knew all along
But you’ve had to come so far
You still hear her in your head
Telling you that she’s sad
You find new friends who let you know
What you feel is normal, not bad
It was never up to you
To make that woman happy
She has to do that for herself
It’s not your fault she feels crappy
You are here to look after you
Nothing she says can change that
You are happier now than you've ever been
Never, never forget that
You are one of the lucky ones
You made it out alive
You will be happy one day
In the meantime, just survive.
She tells you that you’re special
She tells you you were chosen
But something doesn’t feel quite right
Your heart is almost frozen
You try to tell her that you’re sad
But you can’t quite tell her why
She tells you that upsets her
She says you’ve made her cry
You feel so bad about it
You stop saying you feel sad
You put on the happy face she wants
She says that makes her glad
You try so hard and do your best
And yet she still forgets you
She starts to think about herself
What does she expect of you?
You start to do things for yourself
So as not to be a bother
Then she acts all hurt and asks
“Don’t you love your mother?”
You think to yourself “Yes I do,
I really do love my Mother,
but you’re not her, I was taken from her,
And given to you, you impostor!”
Of course you cannot say that
The tears would flow no end
So you swallow all your feelings
And continue to pretend
As you grow you do your best
You try to tell the truth
But she still wants you to repress
And help her keep her youth
She only sees it her way
She thinks you’re making a fuss
She tells you nurture is all that matters
You think she doth protest too much
You have to do it your way
Her feelings will not alter
Remember she has no regard for yours
And don’t let your path falter
You finally meet your mother
Everything feels so right
You find you have a sister and brother
You talk into the night
Your life has changed forever
You know now who you are
You realise you knew all along
But you’ve had to come so far
You still hear her in your head
Telling you that she’s sad
You find new friends who let you know
What you feel is normal, not bad
It was never up to you
To make that woman happy
She has to do that for herself
It’s not your fault she feels crappy
You are here to look after you
Nothing she says can change that
You are happier now than you've ever been
Never, never forget that
You are one of the lucky ones
You made it out alive
You will be happy one day
In the meantime, just survive.
used with express/written permission from author
